“Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life you don’t need to escape from.” – Seth Godin

“Where are you traveling to this summer?” 

There was nothing unusual about my friend Michael’s question. All who know me are well aware of my passion for global travel. When I was in college, a semester studying in France ignited my lifelong wanderlust. Ever since then, I planned getaways whenever I could: at first, I traveled in Europe, but then to North Africa, the Middle East and most recently to South America.

During the decades when I was working as a private banker, I anxiously waited for these escapes from my routine life so that I could have an adventure. Each year, I had my travel plans nailed down well in advance. 

Michael’s question startled me. Suddenly, I realized that it was already June, and I hadn’t even thought about a trip. I’d been so engaged in my life that the idea of a vacation didn’t even cross my mind! This had never happened before. 

It was yet another example of what I’ve come to think of as my “delayering.” By this, I mean the process of stripping away the patterns of my life ever since I resigned from my banking position a little over a year ago. 

It has been a year of dramatic change and sometimes difficult uncertainty. My days have been occupied with meeting new people, helping clients, giving presentations about my work, researching, writing, and learning the many new skills required to start my own business. I have been deeply engaged.

Because I control my own schedule, I have the freedom to sit outside and relish an espresso on a beautiful day, or squeeze in a midday yoga class, or stay up way too late when I want. All of this contributes to making my new career feel like more of a dream than work.

So in that moment, it hit me:

I’m living a life I don’t feel any need to take a vacation from.

Wow! Whenever I (rarely) heard someone say this in the past, I never would have believed it. And yet, for me, it is true. At least in my first year, I can say that I have created a life I don’t need to escape. 

When I was in it, I thought I loved my former life. I didn’t realize how much better things could get until I deconditioned myself. 

Finding A Moment To Pause

Somehow, I changed. My body began to cringe when someone at the office greeted me with “TGIF!” or reminded me that it was “Hump Day.” 

Was I going to spend the remainder of my adult life counting the days until I could escape on an exotic vacation that might last a few weeks out of the entire year? 

Ditto when well-intentioned people recommended that I “treat myself” to retail therapy, spas, alcohol, sweets, and various other perceived pamperings as coping mechanisms for a stressful life. Yes, these indulgences can add pleasure to life. But they are often being used to either escape from or numb it. Wouldn’t it make more sense to align my lifestyle with my long-term objectives for well-being?

Having already lost two friends to cancer, I realized that I didn’t want to wait until “later” to enjoy daily life.

Deconditioning Yourself

As a first-born child of two refugees, stepping away from a prestigious six-figure position and eventually deciding to launch my own coaching business required a great deal of soul searching. I had to honestly look at my past accomplishments, assess my unactualized potential, break through my conditioning for safety, defer my immediate desires, sacrifice for a future vision, let go of structures and people that I love, disappoint clients, live without a concrete plan for the first time in my adult life, and no longer use my busy life as a justification to procrastinate.

Whew…that was a lot!

By allowing for the unknown, I was able to ultimately remove myself from being one of the eternally busy and to no longer ignore my intuition, limit myself by my fears, or walk through life surviving by looking forward to my vacations.

It’s one thing to enjoy your vacations, and it’s an entirely different thing to feel like you need a vacation in order to feel alive. We should strive to make our lives the ones we want to be living every day.

This isn’t easy to do. But I have done it. I love every day and don’t count the days until Friday. When someone sends a “TGIF” or reminds me that “Wednesday is Hump Day,” I recognize that they are playing out their conditioning while I now enjoy Monday as much as the weekend.

I learned that it’s far better to choose the life that feels good because it is richer than the life that looks good. And that we tend to be too “fixed” in how we approach our lives: what feels good is subject to change over time.

Three Elements of a Life You Don’t Need To Escape

Based on my experience, being fully engaged and present in life requires three primary elements:

1. A sense of purpose and meaning that causes you to wake up inspired each morning. Feeling that your life is meaningful is proven to be a key ingredient towards feeling fulfilled.

2. The ability to do some things that you love to do. Using your character strengths, the positive qualities that come naturally to you, is demonstrated to provide you with a greater sense of well-being

3. Enough challenges to keep you stimulated, yet comfortable enough so that you are not constantly stressed out.

In order to identify what a life you don’t need a vacation from would look like for you, you will need to determine what you need to feel fulfilled and what your values, or ideals, are. Your work will need to express those objectives. Because our intentions can sometimes be tough to define, many of my clients come to me to gain insight in this area. After our work together, they can identify what makes them happy and go on to make empowered choices that will help them create the life they want.

And so what about that vacation?

My traveling days aren’t over, but for now I’m enjoying the experience of being a tourist in my daily life. It both reenergizes me and makes me feel alive.

I wish the same for you. 😉

To book a private session with me in order to explore the three elements of a life you won’t need to escape, please go to Contact Me! on right sidebar or below (depending on device).